Last Saturday, to celebrate the release of their latest album “Christmas Songs”, Los Angeles punk veterans Bad Religion offered to make a 50 cent donation to a local Food Bank for every visit their website received. The lack of effort required to help the poor was commendable, and the clicks began to roll in. Right up until those circle-jerking betas over at Reddit got their sticky fingers all over the link.
Between discussions over child abuse and being in the Friendzone, one user found time to post the link. Thousands of upvotes later, BadReligion.com found itself totally fucked by Reddit’s otherwise virginal hard-on. The website promptly crashed, preventing any further visits and potential donations. Users righteously bragged that Bad Religion didn't 'know what Reddit is capable of', an odd statement, seeing as events like the Boston bombing proved that they're only capable of being completely retarded. The website was revived shortly thereafter, but this incident raises a peculiar question, if even the internet fails us, what is the most efficient way to give back this Christmas?
First, lets congratulate the over-zealous and laughably predictable internet community (myself included, admittedly) for simultaneously crippling the band’s charitable efforts and emptying stomachs of the poor. In light of these actions, let's consider an equally excitable alternative: getting shit-faced drunk.
Do you know that Heineken donate over 1% of all profits to charitable partners (over $29 million in 2012)? Immune to the inevitable digital battering, drinking beer in the name of charity does not fall victim to its own success, as have the efforts of Bad Religion. What's more, the more beer you drink, the more likely you are to continue reaching into those deep pockets of yours. So get off Reddit and go boozing with some friends. It might help more than just your social life.
ps. Dear Heineken, pls give us free booze for this festive plug. Thanks
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